A Lesson In Economics

 

 

Understanding politics and the economy can be accomplished by starting with two cows.

COMMUNISM
You have two cows.
The state takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have two cows.
The state takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have two cows.
The state takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have two cows.
The state takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the
milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters
of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.  The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot and block the roads, because you want three cows. You get them.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called "Cowkimon" and market it worldwide, making millions.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION (My favorite)
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have a good lunch and search later.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you --you just charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows and you should admit it.
You tell them that you have none.
No one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go to the pub for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive. You sell her to a dairy company.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You borrow against the cows from the Germans.
You kill the cows and make souvlaki.
You can't pay the interest, so the Germans lend you more money.
You can't pay the interest, so the French lend you more money.
You can't pay the interest, so the Italians lend you more money.
You can't pay the interest, so the Spaniards lend you more money.
You can't pay the interest, so your people hold a general strike.
You can't pay the interest, so the EU bails you out.
You drink more ouzo. Problem solved.