Friday, April 22, 2011

The Golden Years

You know you are growing older when:

You have more gold in your teeth, if you have teeth, than you do in the bank.

Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

You feel like the night before and you haven't been anywhere.

Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.

You get winded waiting for your Netflix DVD to load.

Your nephew begins to gray.

You join a health club every January and then don't go.

You begin to out live enthusiasm.

Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet.

You know all the answers, but nobody ask you the questions.

You start looking forward to a dull evening.

Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 Years Ago Today"...if you even read a newspaper.

You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

Your knees buckle and your belt won't

Your back goes out more than you do.

A fortuneteller offers to read you face.

You burn the midnight oil after 9:00 p.m.

You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.

You're 17 inches around the neck and 42 inches around your waist.

You celebrate you birthday on Ground Hog Day because you have forgotten when it is.

Pushing all the buttons on the unprogramed phone, your kids gave you for Christmas, wears you out.

You turn out the lights for economic reasons rather than romantic ones.

You remember today that yesterday was the last day to renew your license.

You are startled the first time a person addressed you as "Old Timer".

Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when an attractive woman walks by.

You get your exercise acting as a pallbearer for your friends who have exercised.

You have too much room in your house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet.

You climb into bed for a night of making love and realize you don't have your dentures in.

The best part of your day is over when your alarm clock goes off.

Author Unknown

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