Thursday, May 5, 2011

Mother's Knowledge Was Wide-Ranging...

Mother's Knowledge Was Wide-Ranging and Entertaining

Mother taught us there's a time and place for everything:  "If you are going to kill each other, do it outside.  I just finished cleaning the house."

Mother taught us religion:  "You had better pray that the stuff you spilled will come out of the carpet."

Mother taught us logic:  "Because I said so, that's why."

Mother taught us foresight:  "Make sure you wear clean underwear.  You never know when you might be in an accident and be taken to the hospital."

Mother taught us control:  "Keep laughing, and I will give you something to cry about."

Mother taught us about the science of osmosis:  "Shut your mouth, and eat your supper."

Mother taught us about being contortionist:  "Look at the back of your neck.  It's filthy."

Mother taught us about stamina:  "You will sit there until all that spinach is finished."

Mother taught us about the weather:  "Your room looks like it was hit by a tornado."

Mother taught us about straight talk:  "If I told you once, I told you a million times, don't exaggerate."

Mother taught us self-control:  "Don't go near the cake.  I made it for my bridge club."

Mother taught us about behavior modification:  "Please stop acting like your father."

Mother taught us:  "It is more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help."

Mother taught us:  "The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket."

Mother taught us:  "A closed mouth gathers no foot."

Mother taught us:  "Some days you are the bug and other days you are the windshield."

Mother taught us:  "Never test the depth of the water with both feet."

Mother taught us:  "If you always tell the truth, you won't have to remember what you said and to whom."

unknown author

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